Gorgonia gets her very first subscriber (and then she lose him)
On July 20, Year of the Gorgon 2020, days of new moon in Cancer, Gorgonia get a e-mail from Timothy Dalton, like Stehno’s favorite James Bond and Astro Funk’s very first-first subscriber!
Dear Gorgonia, Thank you very much for your message! I am very pleased you are interested in your chance to participate in an exciting business opportunity from BCA Enterprises!
He tell Gorgonia all she need to do is receive many packages from BCA Enterprises, which is strange name for a mortal, but ok. Once BCA Enterprises’ packages have been delivered, Gorgonia must change the label so that the “return address” is Gorgonia’s very own Gorgon cave.
You don’t even need to repackage or open the boxes, just change the label, ship them off and your work is finished. It’s as easy as 1–2–3, but far more profitable.
For Gorgonia’s trouble, Timothy Dalton/third-rate James Bond (Eryvale’s opinion, not Gorgonia’s) will receive compensation of 1000 US dollars per month.
“Chicken, this is indeed an exciting business opportunity!”
Trained chicken looks out of window, bored and annoyed. If he could roll his chicken eyes, he would.
“It will buy you much more very high quality cracked corn,” Gorgonia say. Trained chicken look much happier and this make Gorgonia happy too.
Gorgonia write by to Timothy Dalton and say she very much interested in sending packages for BCA Enterprises and give him coordinates for secret Gorgon cave.
On morning of July 21, Year of the Gorgon 2020, a helicopter fly overhead. Luckily Stehno and Eryvale both heavy sleepers and not morning Gorgons. Only Gorgonia hear the chopper, and she wait for him to go away, keeping out of sight.
Chopper drop a bag full of many, many, many packages. Oh, joy of joys. “They are here, chicken!” Gorgonia say, although chicken of course cannot see because we are at Gorgon cave, so he is wearing blindfold for protection.
I sit down, humming tune from Wagner, and start redoing labels so they addressed to Gorgon cave.
“ What are you doing?”
Stehno is standing behind Gorgonia, her red snakes in red snake hair still very groggy looking. Trained chicken lets out an alarm squawk and run behind a rock on the beach.
“None of Stehno’s business.”
“Tell me now or Stehno’s snakes will feast on Gorgonia’s chicken after all.”
Trained chicken flaps his wings in terror when he hear this, but of course he is a chicken, and cannot really fly.
So I tell Stehno about Timothy Dalton and exciting business opportunity and she start to laugh and her snakes, they start to snigger. “Gorgonia, you really are a hopeless fool. Your Timothy Dalton is no James Bond, he’s a criminal and you’re his fence who will take the fall.”
Stehno tell me all about the scam: the things in packages all are stolen goods which Gorgonia is putting in Gorgonia’s name which means Gorgonia is the one who will take the fall when the police catch on. “And believe me, they always do.” Stehno learned about this on Nightline.
Gorgonia cry many acid tears as she rip the labels off the packages, thinking stupid-stupid, why Gorgonia not have packages deliver to stone writer’s house, that way he take the fall and Gorgonia get 1000 dollars a month until that day to send to PR mortal plus keep Timothy Dalton happy, Astro Funk’s very first subscriber.
The next day, at stone writer’s house, Gorgonia send Timothy Dalton the bad news.
Dear Mr. Dalton (very premiere James Bond), I am very sorry, but Gorgonia must take back offer of business opportunity because Gorgonia does not find it very exciting to be a fence who gets in trouble with police, even though she have the power to turn all of them to stone. Please accept my apologies and enjoy reading Astro Funk! Your grossly sincere, p.s. Tell chopper to pick up packages early in the morning like before so no sisters are awake. p.p.s. Since you are famous, if you know the famous Kardashian sisters, please say hi for me. p.p.p.s. Trained chicken is also very sorry. He was very much looking forward to high-high-quality cracked corn.
Timothy Dalton never wrote back. He also unsubscribe to Astro Funk.
This morning, Gorgonia wake up and all the packages were gone.
Gorgonia have one subscriber and now she have none. Woe, oh woe, is Gorgonia!
Originally published at https://astrofunk.substack.com.